The Soulless, Finished

[thesoulless]

Basic Character Information

Yamamoto Fumio

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• Character Epithet: The Soulless
  
• Age: 18
  
• Height: 5'11 feet
  
• Weight: 180 pounds
  
• Gender: Male
  
• Race: Human Keyblader
  
• Inner Animal: Vampire Bat spirit guide, transforms into a Vampire Bat in certain worlds
  
• Appearance:
  
  
• Personality:
  Fumio is the classic Chaotic Good person. He is a total rebel that wants to change the world for the greater good. He is a pervert sometimes while around bikini-clad women. He has a big heart and has some trouble when it comes to doing bad things to people that he's trying to help. He is a loner preferring to work alone at all times including fighting if he's in a group. He is mostly a disorganized person. If he thinks he's being pushed around while he's in a group he will fight back and leave. Fumio has a way to do things that ends with some people getting hurt because of him.
  
• Alignment: Chaotic Good
  
• Organization: Rouge
  
  
  Yamamoto Fumio Combat Infomation

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[/li][li]Stats:

Physical Ability: 2
Weapon Mastery: 2
Magic Proficiency: 6
Speed: 3
Intelligence: 4

[/li][li]Job Class: Summoner

[/li][li]Items: 3 Summons' Crystal Keychains(By attaching a different crystal keychain to my keyblade I can use that Summon's techniques and powers but I do not gain their Combat prowess, only their techniques. To summon a creature I hold the Keychain in my hand before speaking their name out loud and a chant, a riff in space then opens overhead and the summon drops out of it into reality. Note: I can only use the abilities of the summoned one.)
Odin's Summoning Crystal

Shiva's Summoning Crystal

Brynhildr's Summoning Crystal

[/li][li]Weapons:
The Myou Konton Keyblade

[/li][li]Abilities:
Summoned Creatures, each one lasts for 3 turns and I can re-summon one after a cool down of 7 turns. During the 7 turns I can't summon another one.
Odin
Chant: By grace of Etro, let thunder herald your arrival. Come forth, sunderer of falsehood. A name in blood, a pact of truth. Odin shall rise his bond eternal and unyielding.

Transforms between the two forms. The blade splits when it enters horse form. I ride Odin into battle when it transforms into the horse. The horse is the Odin Drive.
Abilities:
Flourish of Steel- Using his blade he slashes and stabs the targets near him causing them damage.
Skyward Swing- Swings his blunt blade around him before swinging it upwards launching the targets into the sky before jumping and slamming the blade into the targets heads.
Seismic Strike- Slams blade into the ground making the very earth tremble at the might of Odin. The tremor that happens forces anyone within 10 meters of Odin to fall to the ground because of the force of the tremors. Odin then uses his Thundara or Thundaga to zap the people around him.
Thundara- Odin summons lightning to surround him and focuses it into his blade before striking the ground with it to spread it over a wide area to damage everyone within 20 meters of him.
Thundaga- A bigger and more widespread version of Thundara. It travels 25 meters of him and is more powerful.
Curaga- Heals a major part of a person's injuries and restores them to almost full health.
Arise- Revives one ally from near death with full health. Instantly dismisses Odin.

Shiva
Note: Fire Magic is a perfect counter for their Ice Abilities.
Chant: By the grace of Etro, twin rulers arise from your icy thrones. Come forth, sisters of Winter wastes. A name in blood, a pact of ice. Shiva shall rise, her bond eternal and unyielding.

Abilities:
Wheel Rap- Nix launches her wheel at someone inflicting damage
Flip Kick- Nix flips and kicks someone using her wheel to increase her speed to damage the person more.
Blizzara- Nix summons a mini Blizzard to damage the enemies

Blizzard- Stiria summons a mini blizzard to damage and surround one enemy to freeze them.
Blizzara- Stronger then Blizzard and is more widespread.
Blizzaga_ Stiria summons a blizzard to damage the enemies around her. Stronger then Blizzara and causes more damage before freezing.
Curaga- Heals a major part of a person's injuries and restores them to almost full health.
Arise- Revives one ally from near death with full health. Instantly dismisses the Shiva Sisters.
Esuna- Stiria heals one ailment from a ally. Effects: Poison, Paralysis and other Status Ailments.

Brynhildr
Note: Water and Ice magic are perfect counters for her abilities
Chant: By the grace of Etro, warrior maiden be drawn by the fires of battle. Come forth, wreathed in blazing glory. A name in blood, a pact of flame. Brynhildr shall rise, her bond eternal and unyielding. Rousing Inferno. Ethereal Blaze.

Abilities:
Slash- Brynhildr slashes with her pickaxe around her damaging people around her.
Valkyrian Scythe- A overhead slash of her pickaxe towards a single opponent.
Gunshot- Non-elemental magic bullet shot from her pickaxe towards a single enemy.
Pyroshot- Shoots a fire magic bullet at the enemy and burns them.
Pryoburst- She swings her pickaxe around her releasing a wave of fire magic from it to burn the enemy surrounding her.
Curaga- Heals a major part of a person's injuries and restores them to almost full health.
Arise- Revives one ally from near death with full health. Instantly dismisses Brynhildr.

[/li][li]Drives:

Yamamoto Fumio History

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[/li][li]Relationships: He isn't close to anyone anymore since his family all died when his village was burnt down.
[/li][li]Goal(s): To find the people who burnt his village and take revenge.
[/li][li]Brief History:
Fumio was born to a poor family with his father being a former Keyblader. His life was uneventful for years until his father gave him the family heirlooms and told him to run with them away when he was 10 years old. He took the box and ran from the village in the middle of the night. He hid in the caves as he watched his village burn to the ground. He had tears in his eyes while he watched his village burn. After that he looked in the box to see the Myou Konton Keyblade in it with 3 crystal-like keychains.

He trained and traveled until he found a keyblader master, 2 years later. He studied under this mysterious master. He trained and went on missions for him for 3 years until he kicked him out because of his methods put innocents in danger. He went rouge directly after that. He traveled looking for the people who burnt his village while gaining more power. He eventually learned how to summon the creatures using the crystal keychains he inherited from his father. He experimented with different combinations of the keychains with his keyblade for 3 years until he perfected them. He continued to travel during that time trying to change the worlds for the greater good.

Finally…

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[/li][li]RP Sample: (The transformation is one of my Drives that I'm going to get approved.)
Fumio walks along a lonely road in Port Royale. He keeps his hand near his keyblade and his keychains while looking around. He hears something behind him before turning around and taking his keyblade from his belt. He points it at the royal army men saying, "Leave me alone." They ignore his words before attacking him. He dodges their attacks before he grabs one of the keychains, saying "By grace of Etro, let thunder herald your arrival. Come forth, sunderer of falsehood. A name in blood, a pact of truth. Odin shall rise his bond eternal and unyielding. Odin!"

A portal forms overhead before a knight-like summoned creature comes out. It slashes at the guardsmen using Flourish of Steel. It takes them out without much effort until several Nobodies appear with a hoard of Heartless. He plugs his nose because of the stench of the rottenness coming off of them. He looks at Odin before he starts to transform into a horse for my Odin Drive. He puts puts keyblade back in his belt before jumping onto Odin's back. He splits the mighty blade into two parts.

"Thunderfall," he points his blades at the sky before magical lightning falls from it incinerating most of the hoard. He jumps off of the back of Odin before slamming the both of his blades into the ground. This causes a shockwave to form in the middle of the remaining hoard causing them to fall backwards and incinerate. He looks up before back-flipping back onto Odin's back. "Come at me, Nobody scum." He says as they take a step towards him.

He smiles deviously before saying, "Zantetsuken." He points his swords upwards towards the sky again summoning massive waves of magical lightning down towards the Nobodies. It misses before going into the ground. He focuses the lightning to swirl and go towards the feet of the Nobodies before it races upwards towards their hearts.

After a few seconds one of them falls to the ground. Odin disappears after this before he places one of the keychains on his blade. He points it at the remaining injured Nobodies. "Blizzaga," he says while a blizzard forms around the area slamming ice into them before they start to freeze. He walks away when everything around him is ice. He looks around before groaning, "Not again." He looks around before running away from the frozen area.

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[voldemort]

Okay a few things I saw that cause concern:

Inner Animal: What the heck is it? Is it like a Brother Bear sort of thing like its your spirit guide or do you transform into one? I'm unsure if we should allow the latter because, even though you are proficient in magic, shape shifting doesn't really fall under the summoner job class category.

History: It looks fine except that you mention you were a part of the Keybladers for 3 years. Now that's a long time for no one to know you on the site and a lot of crap has gone down that your character would have to have been pretty involved with. Maybe make it a different group of Keybladers somewhere else?

RP sample: The RP uses third person writing so pretty much all you'll have to do is switch "I" with "he" and "me" with "him".

[thesoulless]

My Inner Animal is a Vampire bat like I stated over my appearance picture.
I'll change my History right now
umm... It's a habit of mine to use first person writing, but I'll change it.

[thesoulless]

Edited

[voldemort]

Dude I know that its a bat. But what does that do to you? What importance is it? Also, you missed my remarks about the history.

[Admin of the Second Dawn]

Greetings, Fumio, and welcome to Faded Hearts. I will be the second admin critiquing your bio.

I must agree with the Ultima Admin on the subject of the inner animal. As of right now, the need or existence of an inner animal is not part of the RP. If, however, you still want to have some kind of connection to a vampire bat, you could make that Fumio's world form when he enters the Pride Lands.

Small wording issue with the Arise skill... when/if a character dies in the RP, they are dead for good unless there are a very specific set of plot-related circumstances. I'd recommend that you change from "death" to something a little more like arise from exhaustion or "near-death."

Keyblade and keychains... I'm fine with what they do and how you summon them, but I have to say one thing for the sake of balancing. Given how your powers work, you should only be able to summon from the crystal currently equipped to your Keyblade. And, you shouldn't be able to switch keychains while you have a summon out... so no using another summon's abilities while one summon is already fighting for you. Though you can still fight with brute force.

Like the Ultima Admin said, being a member of the Keybladers for three years is an issue. Not only do his points about what you would have missed stand, but the Keybladers is a new organization, formed by Sora and his friends some time after the events of KH2. The Keybladers haven't even been around for three years yet. You could do what the Ultima Admin suggested and have him be a member of another group of Keyblade Wielders (not the same as the Keybaders group), or have him be a student of some unnamed Keyblade Master.

As for the RP sample, it's fine if you decide you want to keep writing in the first person, but it would fit better with the site's aesthetics if you were to switch to the third person. Though this is up to you to decide.

However, there is one thing we really ask you to do: please break up your writing into paragraphs rather than having one massive block of text.

Final thing to understand is that there are going to be post limits as to how long your summons can be out at a time, and cool-down times before you can re-summon them or use any other of your summons (regardless of how/why they were dismissed). The admins will discuss them among ourselves and tell you the limits when we've come to a decision. If you feel these limits are unfair, you are free to discuss them with us.


((I realize some of what I posted might now be obsolete, since when I started my review you hadn't yet made any revisions.))

[thesoulless]

edited

[Admin of the Second Dawn]

Overall I'm fine with the majority of the character. The only thing left is we're still discussing the summon length/cooldown. Once we have that worked out, we can finally get your character approved and you'll be ready to RP.

[Admin of the Second Dawn]

The current talk among the admins has your Summons being classified in our "Extra-Large" Class, given how powerful they are. This would mean that you could only have them active on the battlefield for three posts at a time, then after they are dismissed, you'd have a cooldown period of seven posts before you could use another summons.

If you agree to this, we can give your character immediate approval. If you think this is unfair, then we can discuss it.

[thesoulless]

I agree to this. I was going to have them as Extra-large anyways, because I read about the Summon sizes in a thread somewhere but I couldn't remember which thread it was and couldn't remember what the requirements were.

Edit: can I use my keychain's during the cooldown time?

[Admin of the Second Dawn]

Yes, you can absolutely use your keychain's power during the cooldown time.

I hereby give unto this bio my approval.

As soon as a second admin gives you their approval, you can immediately start RPing.

[thesoulless]

YAY!!!

[xiorstaff]

Could you please resize the images so they don't stretch the board? It's courtesy, if nothing else. Umm, still don't know what's up with the bat...a short explaination about how he got the Keyblade, not really necessary, but nice to have.

I can't think of anything else at the moment...